my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
