Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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