wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
