Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
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