My underwear smells like fireworks.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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