I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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