what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
