i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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