You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
