Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
