Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
