id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
