found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dick very happy bro
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
