I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
