Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
