The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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