i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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