I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
