I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
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