My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
