I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
