Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
