also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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