Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
