Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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