so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
