Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
