Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think I just sharted jello shots
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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