well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
