i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
