You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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