she woke up with a sticky ear
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
