This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
