she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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