You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
