I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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