When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
