I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
