The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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