i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
