I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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