We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
