my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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