i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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