fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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