How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
