yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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