I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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