i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize