I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
