if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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