WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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