i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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