I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
