and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
