If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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