I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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