If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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