Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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