I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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