And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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