I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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