He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
