Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
