Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
