I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
