Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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