Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
