I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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