No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize