and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
