i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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