She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
please come you make the beer taste better
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
