I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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