Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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