My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
