Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
