I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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