he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
