I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
