Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize