It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
