so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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