my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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