fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize