So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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