I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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