Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So vagazzling was a success
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
