turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
