that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
