having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Randomize
