Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
