yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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