you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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