Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
