I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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