the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize