We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
