i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my being single is dangerous.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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