she woke up with a sticky ear
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize