Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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