I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
