I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
