I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
