i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize