i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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