So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
