were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
