hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
