I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
