I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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