She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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