White coat. Heels.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
