how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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