and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
