Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
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It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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