"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
