I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
