apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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