i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
