If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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