my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
