I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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