so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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