Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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